In the past few weeks, I’ve had several people reach out to ask me how I’m doing, and to let me know that they are praying for me. I have really appreciated that! So I wanted to share a quick update on where I am as of this morning.

I have shared a couple of blogs recently about how all the plans for this year as I took some big steps of faith have seemed to fall through, and I’ve been having a hard time finding work. (Unexpected Next Step… and My “Proverbs 30:7-9 Prayer”). That is still my current reality.

Regarding my job search…

I continue to apply to many places, and look for jobs as often as I have the time to. I did have a second interview last week. It was at a place I had a good feeling about before that second interview, but after that second interview that feeling changed. I am still waiting to hear back, but I’m not expecting it to work out at this point.

There’s another job I’ve been wanting for quite a while now…since last November to be exact. I have reached out to them to check in multiple times, even did again yesterday, but still not hearing back from them. So I don’t know about this one.

I’ve applied to many many others as well. It’s honestly hard to keep track of. And probably the most frustrating part is that very few even respond, and I seem to be turned down by many that I’d think I’d be a perfect fit for, as they involve working with teens, kids, and/or families. But so far, nothing.

So I keep looking and praying.

Regarding work right now…

I took a Pizza Deliver job a month ago as a way to make some extra money. It was a quick and easy hire, and I figured while I kept looking I could deliver in the evenings so I had at least some income coming in. (you see…I have no savings or extra money to live off of right now…so if I don’t make enough to cover bills in a month, I can’t pay them).

Delivering pizza is minimal pay, but the job is not hard. There are also some good benefits to it as well; free food every day, cash to take home every night, flexible hours, and its only in the evening so I can work another job during the day as well.

Then a few weeks ago tree work began to pick up again. Which is good, because that gives me work during the day as well while I keep searching for a job.

For the past couple weeks, I have literally worked 12 hour days (even put in one 14 hour day). I will do tree work all day, then get off and drive to my pizza delivery job where I’ll work until I get off around 8 or 9pm.

It’s truly been an exhausting couple of weeks, that is for sure. I’m tired quite often.

But…it’s work, and it is money. Because as I said earlier, I don’t have any extra money and I still have bills I have to pay. So right now this is what I do, with the hope that by the end of the month I am able cover the necessary bills.

And then when I come home at night, I job search before going to sleep.

Regarding my book…

I shared that I used my time of having no work back in January to write a book that has been on my heart. That is moving along well. As of right now, I have some friends working on different pieces of making the book final and ready to publish. I hope to have it published sometime in March.

It’s exciting to look forward to!

Regarding me…

I’ve had good moments and not-so-good moments these past few weeks. Physically I’m very tired, and emotionally I’m spent. I’m just exhausted all around.

The emotional part is harder to deal with. When I’m physically tired, I drink more coffee or caffeine of some kind, or I eat some food to give my body fuel. But being emotionally spent, sometimes I don’t handle things well in the moment or I struggle more in my own head.

There have been a few times these past couple of weeks that I’ve had some really bad days…and I’ve had pretty open and honest conversations with God. Asking him where he is, why it feels like he’s abandoned me, what is he doing in my life and when will his plan finally happen, etc.

I’ve also had some pretty cool times where I’ve just enjoyed reading his Word, singing praises to him, and hearing him remind me to trust him and keep being faithful.

I’ve definitely been stretched these past few weeks.

And while my current reality is still frustrating…I’ve been able to see God in it as well.

I have 2 jobs. They may not be the jobs I want, and they may be jobs that don’t pay amazing so I have to work both of them as much as I can to make ends meet. But I have 2 jobs.

Both jobs pay me each day I work. That’s a huge benefit when you’re struggling financially…because I know I’ll have money for gas, or can go buy some food for the weekend when I have my kids. Also, if I fall behind in my bank account, I know I have money coming each day that I can quickly deposit to dig out of that. That’s much better than having to wait a couple of weeks for a paycheck to come.

Both jobs feed me. My boss who I do tree work with provides me lunch and coffee almost every day I work. And I get free food when I work my pizza delivery job. Often, I come home at night with a pizza or some buffalo wings…and there’s a salad bar that I eat from each day when I’m working too.

I haven’t had to do much grocery shopping the past several weeks. Which saves me money…money that I can put toward bills I have to pay.

And, let’s not forget that I live with friends who are gracious with me and let me live with them right now as well as love it when my kids are here on weekends with me. Another blessing!

So even though my life is not at all how I’d like it to be at this moment, if I look around me, I can see God taking care of me. I have to work crazy hard all the time just to get by, and I still struggle with covering my bills (that’s a big prayer request for those of you who are praying for me…not working for several weeks put me behind, and I’m still unsure if I’ll be able to get properly caught up by the end of this month financially…so please pray God gives me the strength to keep working hard, and provides for me the finances I need to get through this month). But as I shared, I have 2 jobs…I get paid daily…and I get free food from both of them.

I may struggle with why God has me in this place at this moment. I may not get it, it may frustrate me and discourage me and even at times may cause me to want to give up. But God is with me, and I still believe he is going before me and guiding me to something new in the future.

And so right now, as well as in the end, I want to continue to be able to say TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!