This morning I was reading in Romans chapter 12, and verse 12 of that chapter really stuck out to me. Especially because of all that I’m in the midst of at this time of my life – with all the changes about to begin to take place for my future. I really needed the truth of this verse this morning.
So I did what I like to do…I journaled about it
After several months of prayer, seeking wise counsel, and thinking through everything, I have come to realize that my time in a paid Pastoral role needs to be stepped away from. In order to best take care of my family (myself, my children, and the possibility of a new marriage/family in the future), as well as to be able to focus on my time with my children during the weekends when I have them, I need to find a job that allows me the ability to do all of that.
Being a Pastor has been my life for 15 years now, and it’s a passion of mine for sure. That passion is not gone by any means. However, a Pastoral role has requirements over the weekend…and often my requirements have clashed with my children’s activities and my time with my children when I have them. That, plus the fact that I honestly just need to make more than what a Pastoral position pays in order to properly care for my family (present and future) at this time, is the reason that my time in this role is coming to a close.
To be really honest, I don’t think I would have been ready to make or accept this decision even a year ago.
My passion is ministry. I love it. Always have. It’s what I went to school for, what I’ve wanted to do since I was 12 years old, and what I’m gifted at.
But life has a way of going in directions we aren’t ready for. And we can fight against it, or we can figure out how to adapt with it. It’s been 3 full years now since my marriage fell apart and I began to only have times with my children on weekends. And up to this point, I’ve lived with things how they are…just seeking to be present, survive, and heal.
God has brought me a long way in these past 3 years, and especially this past year. I recently shared a blog series called “Words” that highlighted much of what God has been teaching me.
It is now apparent to me that God is closing the door on me being a paid Pastor at this time. And I’m ok with that. I know that I am not defined by being a Pastor or not. I know that just because I’m not in a paid Pastoral position, that doesn’t mean I can’t still be involved in ministry and use my gifts to minister. I know that God knows what is best for me, and is leading me in that direction.
It’s time I begin to look forward to the future God is preparing for me.
So I am looking forward with hope
Hope that the doors God is closing means he is opening doors elsewhere.
Hope that God’s plan for my future is better than what I can envision for myself.
Hope that even though I still don’t fully understand why the past happened, God is leading me into something new that is for my good, and is even better than my past was.
It is honestly both an exciting time in my life, and a nerve-wrecking time in my life. I am excited for what is next, and the changes that are coming. But also nervous about how all of those changes will fall into place, as well as about the idea of stepping into a new world work-wise.
All of this is a major step of faith, that is for sure.
But I’ve had to live on faith the past 3 years, so I guess it just shows that God has been using that to prepare for me now and the future.
I pray that however God leads me, I would be willing to follow. That whatever God brings into my life, I would be willing to embrace and trust him. And wherever God leads my future to, that I would be willing to go.