The ninth and final word in this “Words” Blog Series is…
Now. At this time. Today. This moment.
Not tomorrow. Not yesterday.
One of the hardest things about healing from a major hurt, is being able to move on from it. It doesn’t ever fully go away…there will always be a scar and an occasional twinge of pain from time to time. Moving on from it simply means being able to leave the past in the past.
What happened in my past sucks. That’s a strong word I know, but it fits what happened perfectly. All that happened in my life 3 years ago was terrible to walk through, has taken a long time to begin to heal from, and will be a part of me for the rest of my life. I know that. There’s no denying it or trying to act like that isn’t true.
But, I can now see it as my past. It’s part of my story, in my past.
One of the other hardest things about healing from a major hurt, is being able to be patient for a new future. It’s so easy to just want a better future immediately. It’s not fun living in the in-between time of dealing with and healing from the past, trying to recover and find some steady ground to stand on again, all while working toward and waiting for a better tomorrow to appear. That time, between the past and the future, can feel like it is never going to end.
I know. It’s where I’ve been for 3 years now. In that in-between time, healing from the past and working hard to be ready for a better tomorrow. It’s been quite the journey for sure, I will say that. Often I’ve felt overwhelmed and frustrated, tired and just wanting it to be done, and even at times just wanting to give up and walk away.
It’s my present moment. It’s the time I’m currently in, and have been in for a while now. It’s the present season of my life.
On this date, November 15 in 2015, my life forever changed.
That day began with me talking to my children about my having to resign from my current job because of all that was happening to our family. I actually found a recording of that conversation on my phone a week ago. I didn’t even remember recording it.
As I listened to it, I was surprised by how young my kids sounded then (they sure do grow up fast!). I also could hear a faint hint of hope in my voice. Hope that what was happening was for a season, but something better was on the horizon.
That afternoon, after resigning, I posted this picture on social media…
On that day, in that moment, I was definitely feeling low and full of despair and uncertainty. But, I also knew the truth that seasons of life come and go. Which is why I posted this picture. It was my way of clinging to hope, and reminding myself that this season wouldn’t last forever.
I just had to be patient through this season, trust God as he led me, and remain faithful to him through it all. I had to learn to listen better to the guidance God was giving me, to be wise and live according to that guidance, and be more intentional with what he blessed me with. I had no idea of how much I’d have to learn about things I thought I understood…things like grace and trust and patience and faithfulness. I may not have understood it at the time, but I did trust and believe that God had a purpose.
That trust has been tested quite a bit the past 3 years. But he has remained faithful to me through all of this, has taught me much of what I needed to learn, has broken me in areas I needed it as well as healed me, and has restored my hope time and time again. He has truly walked with me through all of it, so I can say with confidence that God did use what happened for my good…his purpose for me was not destroyed 3 years ago.
I have been reminded several times this year in particular to let go of my past dreams, to trust God with my future, and to simply be faithful and live in the present. God has me in this present moment for a reason. He’s still working on me today. He has a plan for the future, but it won’t get here any faster if I worry about it or get anxious for it.
I can only be faithful in the present. I can only listen in the present. I can only trust in the present. I can only be patient in the present. I can only experience grace in the present. I can only be wise in the present. I can only discover God’s purpose for me in the present. I can only be intentional in the present.
I can only live in the present, and I can only experience God’s presence in the present.
My past is my past. It is my story. And God is and will use it in my life, to shape me into who he wants me to be, to teach me, and even to encourage and minister to others through me.
My future is coming. God’s purpose is still in tact. His plan has not fallen apart. In fact, as the song ‘Just Be Held’ from Casting Crowns says, it’s falling into place (song below).
My present is now. It’s where God has me. And it’s where he has me for a reason. For this time, this moment, this season.
I’m definitely excited for what is coming next…God seems to be doing some serious stuff in my life right now, and I do believe what he has next is coming soon. I also know that “soon” could mean today, or it could mean another year. My prayer is that I continue to seek to live for God now, and trust him as he leads and guides me on this journey.
To God be ALL THE GLORY!