Every morning when I wake up, I start my day by reading Colossians 3:1-17. It’s been the most influential passage of scripture in my life the past couple of years. Verse 12 says “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”
During my prayer times, I often seek God about where he is leading and guiding me next in my life. A verse that I often call to memory and recite during my prayer times is Proverbs 3:5-6, which says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
There are 2 main things I want to have in my life right now. 2 things that used to be a part of my life for many years, and I would like them to be a part of my life again. And in moments of brutal honesty, I must admit that I have grown tired of patiently waiting and continuing to learn how to better trust when it comes to these 2 things.
25 years ago God placed a passion in my heart for ministry. Almost 2 years ago I lost my job in ministry, and have been out of it since. For a while I considered not going back into ministry, and explored what my life might be like. That “experiment” didn’t last too long, as it became very obvious to me that the passion God had given me was still as strong as ever in my life. I want to have a job I find joy and satisfaction in, a job I am passionate about and look forward to, and for me that is being in ministry. It’s been a long 2 years of not being able to do what my passion is, and I pray regularly that God would open an opportunity for me to return sooner rather than later. But until then, I have to wait patiently and continue to learn to trust him to lead and guide me…which is hard because I want it now.
14 years ago I said “I do” and married my life partner…at least what I believed at the time would be my life partner. Life, however, has a way of taking left turns that you don’t expect. It’s been nearly 2 years since my marriage came to an end (separation first, then divorce to make it legal), and I truly miss having a serious relationship with someone. I intentionally took a long time and didn’t seek that type of relationship as I needed to heal and learn to be ok on my own first, but if I’m really honest I must also admit that I’m quite lonely and want to have someone in my life again. So I wait patiently and continue to learn to trust God to lead and guide me…which is hard because I want it now.
Trust is not built or strengthened in a moment, it takes time. Learning to trust God in difficult situations requires walking through those difficult situations and figuring out what it means to trust God on a day by day basis. Trust takes time to get to a place where it is strong. If I am to trust God with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, and allow him to guide my path through life, then that level of trust will take time to build.
Patience is not built or strengthened in a moment either. Learning to be patient requires dealing with situations where I want something immediately, but must learn to wait patiently. Patience takes time to get to a place where it is strong. If I am to wait patiently and let God lead and guide my life in the direction he is taking it, that means I have to learn to be ok in a place I don’t necessarily want to be in the moment. As I learn to be ok in that place, and learn to wait on God, then a deeper level of patience will develop…but that level will take time to build.
This is honestly something we all must learn. Trust and Patience are both very important qualities to possess in life, but neither of them happen right away. They take time. In the end we can look back at our journey through a specific time or situation and see how valuable the lessons were, and how much our trust and patience were developed and strengthened.
The journey to get to that point can be quite difficult. We like the end result of the journey, just not the learning process along the journey. But we can’t have the end result without the learning process.
Do I want to be doing what I’m passionate about again? YES! Do I want to not be lonely anymore? YES! Those are easy questions to answer. But the real question is, do I trust God enough to patiently wait for him to lead and guide me?